We’re all busy. That’s just life on earth right now. And each year—with the pervasive yet overburdening power of the internet—we give ourselves more things to do: more ways to market, spin, connect, and work the room of not only our work life, but our social life as well.
We’re screen-focused, for sure, and though some of it feels fun in the abstract sense of the word, we’re often not connecting with life, in its actual sense. Ditto for our relationships. Add to that our scrambling need to get from here to there, to check everything off of our checklists, and we often find ourselves asking, “Where’s the fun part?”
So I’m asking this important question regarding marriage: if we never have any fun with each other, how are we supposed to build desire?
Desire is built by ease, and not by tension. Yeah, I know we think that a good fight or a good bit of quickie sex can fuel the fires of a marriage sometimes. But the key in that last sentence is the word sometimes. On a daily basis, tension does not build desire. In fact, stress makes us too easily distracted from our spouse; too willing to take our focus away instead of towards each other.
Enter the power of FUN. What we get when we set aside time to do something easy on the soul together is a feeling of sweetness and joy that’s way more lasting than the hit we get from a great facebook message. Fun, in the sense of it I’m talking about, is sensual. It’s physical. It sends messages to our skin, eyes, nose, sense of touch and more. We laugh together when we’re having fun. We express loving little things. We focus on our lover’s face and body and personality.
It seems so obvious that it’s important to have fun together, but so many of us aren’t doing it.
What constitutes fun? Anything you both enjoy together. Anything.
The truth is, without a little planning, we can go weeks without a fun event shared together. So plan something. Go ahead. Make it easy on the heart and soul. Calendar it. Let your spouse know that there’ll be no weaseling out, no sidestepping for one more chore. Fun will bring you the delight that brings desire. And desire is the kernel of joy that leads us to the sensuality which bonds us over time.
Surely, we can all agree that a little fun is worth it to build the sensual bond of lasting love.