I’ve been using the hashtag #sexymarriage in my twitter posts lately and it’s got me to thinking: what truly makes for a sexy marriage?
In our early-loving experiences we often thought that a sexy marriage was one that was populated by—you guessed it—lots and lots of sex. When I was first dating, I remember hearing so many of my girlfriends say, “No way I would stay in a marriage if we weren’t having sex at least four times a week.”
Years later, deep into our marriages, those same girlfriends sometimes confess that they and their husbands haven’t had sex in months. The bummer is, those confessions are always revealed with a dejected sensibility—a missing out on the closeness most of us really want in our partnerships. So that begs the question: what makes for a sexy, mature, romantic marriage?
We have talked before, in my previous blogs, about throwing out the concept that, in order for our loving to be ‘hot,’ we should have the same kind of experiences we did in the dating world. We know now that that’s not realistic, nor is it even desirable. There’s prowess that comes from being together over the course of years, and we want to be able to get to that part — the good stuff — of being in love over time.
Here’s a quick recipe for a grown-up, mature, #sexymarriage:
- Set an uninterrupted hour each week to get under the sheets and be close and sensual. Keep your date and see how honoring that time brings you the ability to set aside your marriage’s cares and get sensual.
- Touch more. Be affectionate during your days without any sexual intent. Light touches, kisses, hugs and attentiveness physically prime the pump for love—both physical and spiritual.
- Find romance together—or FUN—and set aside time for it each week. Whether it’s trekking together up a nearby mountainside, going to a film and wandering your town hand in hand, or planting tulips—find something that makes you both relax together. Fun is the glue that builds desire.
- Talk to each other. Sit down, turn off the phones and screens, set the timer for a half-hour and listen for ten minutes each while you share how you’re doing in life, and in your marriage. Leave the last ten minutes to discuss anything that came up. (It can be positive stuff, too!) When the timer beeps, time’s up.
Remember that these simple techniques are designed for busy lives—meaning they need not consume your days and can easily make you feel closer to your partner.
Of all of the things we need our marriage to be in a month or year. Why not have it be close and sensual, too?