In the summertime, I think about sex more. How come? Less clothing, warmer air on my skin (and my husband’s skin), breezy nights with later-evening pink sunsets–all of it lends itself to sensual pleasure. But sometimes, for many of us, we blow through the seasons barely even looking up to notice that the quality of the light has changed, or that the heat of a hot summer day is warming our bones.
I do it all the time. I’m in a project mode, and I forget to notice that I’ve got a small window of seasonal, gorgeous heat to experience and explore. And that’s a good metaphor for marriage: if we don’t stop and notice the lovely days going by with our lover, we’ll miss the heart of what it is to be in love. We let ourselves get buried by duty, and obligation, and worry, and we miss the sweet stuff.
I’m not saying that we should pretend that life is as simple as running through the wheat fields towards each other with our hair blowing in the wind. We’re all aware that life is more complex than that. What I am saying is that we often end up–particularly in marriage–focusing on the duty instead of the love, blocking out the sensual joys in favor of obligations. And I do it all the time. And I have to remind myself to LOOK UP–from the screens, from the lists, from the calendar–and notice that my husband is here, making me dinner after a long day, or telling me a joke, or doing the laundry while I cook, chatting to me about something he found interesting.
Companionship helps build desire. And when I’m present to that I get the gifts of that focus: love, sensuality, closeness, even adoration. That noticing, that focus on my lover, helps me pay attention to other things, too, like the fact that the summer makes me feel sexier, and the warm air is a prime-the-pump cue for love.
In the end, we’re not remembered for the tick-tick-ticking off of stuff of our to-do lists: we’re remembered for that warm evening when we stopped to feel into the balmy air and the sensual feel of our partner’s skin, the sweet flavor of the taste of love on a hot summer night, leading us into the living room, or the garden, or the bedroom. To stop, and enjoy each other, just because we can, feeling the gifts of heat, sensuality and adoration.